At church today they spoke about the importance of remembering. Remembering all the good that God has done and all the times he has provided. It made me think of all of the times that I have forgotten. Forgotten that despite all of my protest God pushed me back to him.
I Forgot that despite getting married and moving into a new place without going to God for advice we saw doors close and others open to bring us where we are today. Finding a home that seemed like a nightmare. Later finding out that if our landlord hadn’t been forced to break the lease we would have been stuck in a city we hated without a job.
I Saw God bring people into our lives days before we moved so my husband would have help moving his pregnant wife and child. Saw God put someone into our lives again a couple weeks before my baby was due. Making it possible for my husband to be there with me. God even brought friends into our lives days before my sons 3rd birthday when I begged to God to not let my little boy be alone on his birthday. God has provided. Yet I live in fear.
I live in fear of speaking of my faith and offending others. Even worse, not being a good example of God. I live in fear of making it a priority to do acts of service and God not giving me the right words and actions to help others. I live in fear of encouraging my husband to take a job based on prayer instead of fear of change. I started to think about it and realized that if I died today my life would be mostly regret. Regret that I haven’t given God my best. Regret that I did not serve God without fear. Regret that I thought that I knew better then God. I haven’t trusted that God would provide. Always thinking that after doing it my own way “this time” then I’ll turn to God.
The Pastor talked about the Israelites. As I read through Exodus I constantly saw how they were forgetting that God provided. They forgot that Moses rescued them and they forgot about the mana and quail and they forgot about the rock that flowed water. They insisted on a King when God told them to wait. They were given king Saul. We read the Bible and wonder how they could turn their heads on so many miracles. I have been guilty of the same offense. My life is full of signs of Gods provision. I still live in fear.
My goal in the next few months is to change this. God has been telling me repeatedly that He is wanting more from me. He has been laying on my heart a passion for the unborn and for the youth that are struggling. He has been whispering in my heart that it is my time to stop being silent. To not live in fear. To be the best mom I can be, to trust God with my children, to trust my marriage over to Him. He has called me to write, to turn my words into music or public speaking or to counsel others. He has called me to move; yet I freeze in fear. I stifle these thoughts and then someone else comes into my life that reminds me that these passions are from God. Passions that I may need to be patient with but passions that should not be stifled. So at this point it is time to spend time in prayer and then move forward in remembrance of all God has done.