I constantly am hearing of the fathers who cannot figure out how to pick up milk from the grocery store. Wife’s spend there much needed play dates wondering why their husband never watch the kids and why the husband cannot seem to change the diaper. I start to wonder why the male species seem to hold themselves to such a lower standard. Then I started watching the interaction that happens everyday. I started to notice the part woman play in this.
I was reading an article about a woman who declared herself verbally abusive to her husband. She constantly would remind him of his errors and belittle his abilities. I realized how true this often is in marriage.
My husband fully trusts my ability to parent. When my kids are acting up he always chooses my side; even when I yell. He demands that my children respect me. He never mentions it when I sneak them chocolate in the morning or they go too long without a bath. I never receive comments when my kids leave the house in mismatched clothes or the days I forget to give them there veggies. I can leave my clothes on the living room floor without being a slop and I can go to the store and forget fruit for the kids. My husbands believes I am a good mother.
I believe my husbands a good father. I also believe that I am the kinder and more nurturing parent. I feel the need to defend that I do more and I’m better at dressing our children. This is my territory and my husbands strength is in his work. I started to think about this and realized how hard this must be on him. I don’t trust him as an equal partner but I expect him to share equal responsibility. I love caring for my children and knowing they depend on me. When I feel unappreciated or inadequate it causes me to shut down and feel useless.
I can only assume my husband will grow where he is appreciated as well. If his work needs him and believes he is competent then of course he would rather invest more energy there. I do not want to be a maid and yet I treat him as one. Someone not competent enough to choose an outfit and yet I expect him to help me care for the kids; under my rules. So ladies, or men if the shoe fits, remember the grace you were given when you snapped at your kids. Remember the grace you were given when your kids went four days without a bath. Remember that your husband still believes you are a good parent when your kids leave the house in mismatched socks. Remember that he is a good father and purse your lips and hold it in next time he makes that frozen pizza and ice cream. Trust him the way he trusts you.