Inspiration?…. God?… my mind?… Sometimes it can be hard to decipher what is of God and what is not. I pray and I feel peace and I question if that is an answer or my own mind playing tricks.

Three months ago, Jordan and I sat in a booth at Sammy’s Pizza for the first time discussing the possibility of moving to Auburn Indiana. I had been to the city once in December for a company party. The party was fabulous. The city was not my cup of tea. I loved my northern Minnesota home. The pine trees and the community. We might be half frozen eight months out of the year but we are half frozen together. Also, nothing beats a northern Minnesota summer.

Yet here I was, excited about the possibility. All winter, I felt a burn inside of me for change. I was doing all good things but none of it felt like I was doing the right thing or that I was where I belong. I contemplated many nights whether this feeling was from God or my own discontentment.

As we have contemplated this move I have weighed the pros and cons. Pros of staying: bigger yard, consistency, less chaos, my crunchy community, my job, my friends. Pros of leaving: warmer weather, more educational opportunities, new travel destinations, being close to my brother and his family who I currently rarely see, better state laws, a change we have been longing for.

Also, moving is like giving up a piece of my childhood I hoped to share with my kids. When I think of my childhood I think of security, country, haylofts, puppies, or working the fields on my neighbors tractor. I think of the fact that I never had to move as a child and I always loved my home and the structure of what I could count on. Moving to Auburn is not assisting me in moving in that direction. The lots are smaller, acreage is expensive and God knows my kids lives are going to be turned upside down.

I prayed for weeks before we went to Auburn to see the city. Jordan promised that if I said no that he would not argue. I prayed that it would clear. I am someone who cannot make a decision. My brain plays ping pong with the pros and cons in a never ending war inside my head. I prayed for absolution and a peace one way or another. I got that peace. While we were in Auburn, I knew the whole time we were there that the answer was yes. I was not even sad about it, I just knew that we needed to go.

Since I have returned home to see my friends, my job, and the home I love I definitely have had long pauses where I am not as sure in our decision. At the end of the day though, we have one resounding question we need answered. Where does our God want us? Let His will be done. So we move because that is where we believe our God is leading us. 

Feel free to check back in if an angel or God himself clearly tells us differently.